Tough Love

September 7, 2014

In Sunday's second reading from Romans 13 Paul writes: "Love does no evil to the neighbor." If you love another it seems obvious that you would not do evil to them. However, Paul's words do not suggest that we should not confront the evil another is doing. To do so can even be an act of love.

The first reading from Ezekiel and the gospel passage from Matthew both suggest that we have an obligation to speak out against the evil or destructive behavior of another. I would suggest that the obligation is even greater toward those we love.

In the first reading God says to Ezekiel: "I have appointed you watchman for the house of Israel; when you hear me say anything, you shall warn them for me. If I tell the wicked, 'O wicked one, you shall surely die,' and you do not speak out to dissuade the wicked from his way, the wicked shall die for his guilt, but I will hold you responsible for his death." These are strong words. Ezekiel has the responsibility to speak God's word to the people of Israel including the responsibility to confront them if they are doing evil. If their evil leads to destruction, Ezekiel will be held responsible if he has not loved them enough to call them back to God and the life God offers them.

In the gospel passage from Matthew, Jesus says: "If your brother (or sister) sins against you, go and tell him (her) his fault." Again, concern for the sinner, love for the sinner, demands confronting him about the evil he has done.

In 12 step programs for dealing with addictions, this form of love is often referred to as tough love. Accommodating the addict, making excuses for his/her behavior or simply being nice to them are not effective in moving the person to treatment. Typically some form of intervention is needed if there is any chance of moving them to a better place. In the same way, there are times when tough love is called for in our relationships. Our motivation is not to belittle or ridicule the person. Rather, we confront the evil or destructive behavior out of a genuine concern for their ultimate welfare.

Tough love is tough! However, such love can also be life-saving.

Fr. John Klein, Pastor